Wednesday, April 30, 2008

White Knuckles

Those of you who know me can testify I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky kinda guy; but lately, something is amiss. I'm not sure what the problem is, but I've been having some kind of strange panic attacks or something. It's only happened a handful of times in the past month or so; and it lasts about an hour and then goes away. Today, I was driving to one of the wells and I almost had to pull over and throw up. But for the most part, I can function okay. I just get really stressed and this weird feeling develops in the pit of my stomach. All these thoughts start running through my head about everything I need to do and the stuff I have no control over. I try to keep reminding myself that everything will be okay, but it's not very comforting.
I know a big part of it has to do with work. I've never been under such a work load before. Plus, there's my house and everything going on with it (bills, maintenance, organisation, etc.). And I'm still trying to get situated socially, which is probably my biggest hurdle right now. I'm not feeling the camaraderie and acceptance I had in Utah, and I was really accustomed to it. Like all things, I know God is in control of these; and it will all work out in time. I've never been a worrier, and I don't know why I'm starting now. I'm just going to concentrate on taking deep breaths and taking things one moment at a time.

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