Over the past few months, I've noticed a trend. My tastes are changing. Unfortunately, for most of my life, I've let society shape my opinions and preferences. Movies and magazines have led be to believe the only attractive girls are between 21 and 25, 5'10", blond, and weigh 98 lbs. But I'm finally starting to realise real women aren't like that (possibly due to my own expanding gut and increasingly wrinkled face). Not only do those physical "imperfections" not bother me anymore, I'm starting to find them attractive. There's beauty in the blemish.
Nevertheless, I still feel the need to live up to some semblance of attractiveness. I don't put a lot of stock in what others wear, but I doubt my clothing budget will decrease any. The other day, I bought a pair of $300 Prada sunglasses, but do I look any more like the model wearing them in the magazine then I did without them? Hells, no!
The gym factor is a little different. I mean, I HAVE to work out to stay in good standing at work. Still, every time I look down at my flabby gut and my noodle arms, I hate myself a little more for not spending an extra hour at the gym. Even so, nothing stops me from buying a pint of Ben & Jerry's every time I go grocery shopping. It's like a tight-wire act trying to balance living my life with meeting the standards of people I don't even know.
The other day, my Mom told me how happy she was that she'd lost 14 lbs., and I started talking to her about how I hope she's doing it for herself because she doesn't have to impress anyone because she's a great person and if someone doesn't like her if she can't fit into a particular size of jeans then blah, blah, blah... Yes, I actually lectured my Mother.
Some might say I'm just lowering my standards and expressing fears of loneliness because I'm 32 and still single, without even a hint of a potential significant other anywhere on the horizon. Does that bother me? Sometimes. But really, I think I'm still maturing and growing and learning about the fairer sex (and my own sex). It's probably not going to end anytime soon, either. I'm glad I never settled for someone who didn't meet my emotional needs just because she was hot. (Not that the hot ones were knocking down my door or anything.) I don't want to look back on my life and regret all the time I spent trying to impress people. I think I'm going to return those sunglasses.
*Fabienne, from Pulp Fiction.