For the past three weeks, the top headline has been the tsunami in coastal southern Asia and its after-effects. We've seen story after photo after video of thousands of people dying. Such massive destruction has rarely, if ever, been seen by anyone. The death toll has risen daily. Thousands of children orphaned. Billions of dollars in damage and reconstruction costs.
And how do I feel? Numb.
I mean, I sympathise with these people, but I'm troubled at the fact I can't work up a tear or even get that empty feeling in my stomach. I watched in shock as the waves came over the beach and spilled into the streets and washed away the people and cars and buildings. I thought about how horrible it must have been to witness it. But I didn't really FEEL how horrible it must have been.
I remember going in to work on September 12th, 2001 and turning on the TV in our break room and watching that plane fly into that building over and over and over again. I did feel a little taken aback. There was a little bit of emptiness in my chest. But I don't think I truly felt the pain I should have.
I remember sitting in my sixth grade class on January 28th, 1986, and watching the Challenger Space Shuttle explode with those seven astronauts on board, including Christa McAuliffe, who was to be the first teacher in space. Our teacher made such a big deal out of it, but I just sat and watched. Maybe, since I was just 11, I didn't really have a grasp on what death really was.
So, why am I this way? I've thought about it plenty of times, and I don't really know. Maybe I've just been calloused by all the horrible things going on in the world. Genocides. Stupid wars. Murder. Racism. Homophobia. Senseless violence. Hate crimes. Maybe I'm just cold and heartless. I've tried to get worked up about these things. I've donated to relief charities. I've imagined myself being there. Whatever it is, I don't like it.
I feel so detached from life that death has no meaning.
I'm going to change this.
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