Culture Shock

I guess it was pretty inevitable. Every time I've visited the States over the past four and half years, it's only been for a couple weeks and I get all giddy like a school girl and go on shopping sprees and whatnot. This time, however, it's a little more permanent.
Let me start from the beginning. I checked into my hotel yesterday to find out I was blessed with wireless internet access. Apparently, this is a pretty common thing in the States. No more paying a ridiculouly high fee for crappy service (I'm talking to you, Heronet!). And you can imagine my sigh of relief when I realized I wouldn't have to forego my daily visit to www.chickswhostrapiton.com. The little Mormon girl at the front desk didn't seem quite as excited.
This afternoon, I made the trek over to Super Target, which was probably the most bewildering thing I've experienced yet. Did you know Target now has furniture? FURNITURE at TARGET! And it's not shoddy, either. It's good, quality, cool looking stuff. I knew there was a reason I swore off Wal-Mart. Not only was I amazed by the presence of furniture, but I was totally freaked out by all the stuff! After all the time spent shopping at the Misawa BX, I damn near fell over when I saw 8,372 different varieties of shampoo.
After Target, I walked into Barnes & Noble, where I immediately had an orgasm.
After spending four hours at Barnes & Noble, I grew hungry and walked down to Applebee's, where, despite popular opinion, I was able to order a beer on Sunday. And not just any beer. I got a Hefeweizen. On tap. However, they did force me to order food with my beer. That's okay, though. I was hungry anyway.
Another added bonus is that I flew into the States coincidentally on the same weekend during which the feature film "Alone in the Dark" is released (featuring Tara Reid as an anthropoligist!). Does it get any better than this?
The final overwhelming thing about which I will write is the 99 television channels I can access. And of these 99 channels, there are no fewer than 14 news channels, three cooking channels, nine religious channels (including the BYU station - PARTY ON!), and six that show infomercials NON-STOP. Of the remaining 67 channels, at least 60 are showing some kind of reality television show at any given time. I LOATHE reality television. Luckily, I have found solace in VH-1's "I Love the 90's." As anyone who's ever played the Trivial Pursuit 90's Edition with me, the 90's are MY DECADE!
Anyway, I'll be sure and keep everyone posted on my daily freak outs. Stay tuned for when I pick up my brand new truck and try to drive on the RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD! Two words: Di. Saster.