Monday, November 17, 2003

So, you know when I said the love thing has taken a turn, but I wasn't sure if it was good or bad? Well, it's bad. Worse than bad. I thought things were going to kind of straighten out, but now it looks as though that's not going to happen. Communication has siezed. I'm feeling empty, insecure, and rotten. And I don't really know why. I have not done anything wrong. Feelings were expressed, and agreements were made, but apparantly the whole freak-outed-ness thing has happened in the worst way. But you know what? I'm going to do my best to pick up, carry on, and still choose the action of love and practicing purposeful acts of love. I refuse to be bitter. Maybe depressed, but never bitter. I have no one to blame but myself. I'm going to do my best to move on.
I feel my morals slipping. Laziness. Regret. I've been looking for a scapegoat. I doubt one exists.
So yesterday, a bunch of people from the Hospitality House went to the Salmon Festival in Shimoda. It was really fun and quite interesting. Basically, you get into this knee deep water and try to catch a salmon with your bare hands. Unfortunately, I was a little slow, and didn't get a fish; however, everyone else did, so we dined on grilled salmon, broiled salmon, salmon cakes, etc. last night after church. Definitely one of the best meals I've had in a while.
I appreciate Abby more and more each day. I was watching her as she led worship last night at Chapel, and I just couldn't help but smile. She's like an angel up there. So in tune with God. So at home in worship. I crave being around her, just because I feel the Lord's presence.
Okay, this has been a really multiple personality-ish entry, so I'm just going to close. I have a little more work to finish before the end of the day anyway. Brad and I are supposed to get food and watch Fantasia 2000 tonight. Tomorrow is lunch with Don. The rest of the week is kind of fuzzy. Luckily, next week is only a three-day work week due to the Thanksgiving holiday. I'm sure I'll write more about that in my next entry. Take care. No worries. God Bless.

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