The emotional rollercoaster that is my week keeps right on going, and it's starting to make me nauseated. I went to Cross Point last night, and I really didn't want to be there. Every week I think about telling Mark that I just can't do it anymore. Between staying late at work all the time and trying to devote time to this Bible Study, I just don't have the time or the energy. But then, after we started playing, I felt a lot better. Even though I have no ability to relate to middle school kids, it still was nice to be able to help provide this music for them and aid in their worship.
So, since I was feeling so good, I decided I was going to be assertive in the whole love situation, but it turned out really bad. In fact, there was no confrontation at all, yet I somehow ended up backing myself into a corner, giving myself no options. I have made a vow not to initiate any kind of future contact. So now I feel rotten. Worse than before. I want to break my vow and try to mend the friendship, or at least get an explanation. But I probably won't. My only consolation was that later, Jimmy and Caleb and I went to Komaki's and had a really nice onsen, and then I paid 1000 yen to get my feet massaged, and it was great. Despite being so unstable right now, I slept pretty good last night.
So now I'm at work, and I'm waiting on another guy because until he gets me his report, I can't do my report. This is the shit that keeps me here late all the time! Oh, yeah, I think I'm going to start cussing. I don't normally, unless it's for the greater humour of the situation. And it's not like I'm going to make every other word the f-word. I'm just going to use it for emphasis in certain situations. And there are a few words that are off limits that I just don't like the sound of, even though some people don't really think of them as bad words (i.e. sucks, tits, piss, and possibly a few others). And it's not like I'm going to use them around children or when my witness could be affected. Only around the closest of friends. I think my favorite phrase is, "What the hell?"
Okay, I now have a report in my hot little hand, so it's back to work. Take care. No worries. God Bless.