I'm kinda down this weekend. I'm feeling socially awkward for some reason. There just seems to be some kind of barrier between me and everyone else. It's keeping me from connecting with anyone. I mean, I'm talking to people and stuff, but the conversations just aren't going where they should or going as deep as they should. Not that I'm expecting some big thing to happen every time I talk to someone, but the past couple days have been like I'm talking to foreigners or something. I went and saw "Kill Bill" again last night. I met Caleb there, and he really enjoyed it. My friend Ryan was supposed to go with me, and he ended up bailing on me at the last minute, which kind of upset me. He talks about wanting to hang out, so I get all excited, but he never follows through. It's so frustrating.
I went to eat earlier tonight with some guys from work, and afterward, I decided to just rent some movies and go home. But unfortunately, the shoppette was closed, so I figured this was God's way of telling me not to skip Bible Study. I've mentioned times where I don't really feel like going to the House, but then I do, and I feel much better. Well, tonight, I didn't feel like going to the House, but I went, and I still don't feel much better. I don't know what my deal is. When I was eating dinner earlier tonight, there were four of us sitting at the table, and there was hardly any conversation at all. I like these guys, but I just couldn't think of anything to say. And then after Bible Study at the House, I was sitting around with everyone, and the same thing happened. It's not like I feel like I have to be talking the whole time, but I literally could not think of anything to say. Suffocating. It's like I know all these people so well, yet I'm feeling so alone. I'm feeling a lot of pain for Don right now. The next two weeks are going to be chaotic at work. I'm feeling a little anxiety about Christmas coming up. I've spent way too much money on myself lately. There's something that's lacking, but I have no clue what it is. I wish it were something a little more obvious, so I'd at least have a goal toward which to work. But, no, I'm just floating around, with no clue if I'm even going the right direction, if I'm helping anybody, if I should ask out Abby, if I should try to resolve conflicts with people who don't want to talk to me, if I should continue with this cross train, if I'm even going to be in the Air Force in 8 months.
Okay, I'm getting really tired. I guess I'm going to hit the sack. I'm still sleeping on my couch for some reason. I've been sleeping down here for about two months, and I really can't give a reason why. Craziness. Uh, yeah. Take care. No worries. God Bless.