Words Per Minute

One of the modern conveniences so many of us mobile phone users enjoy is text messaging. For those of you stuck in the 20th century, it's basically like e-mailing directly from phone to phone. It can be convenient at times (i.e. at work, in the theatre, etc.), but, overall, I'd usually just rather talk to someone. Regardless, texting is pretty common and slightly addictive.
Sometimes, I get text messages that totally crack me up, and I hang onto them for a while. Unfortunately, my phone only holds about 25, and it's about full; therefore, I'm going to share with you...

My Top 25 Text Messages - Volume I
(These are verbatim and in the order in which they were received.)

1) Porn star in my head
2) Shoot man my car just broke down. . .what do u no about jeeps
3) I like older women
4) What does a gay pig eat?
5) My job is killing me right now
6) Quit texting & go 2 bed! Ur keeping us up!
7) I wanna find a mormon hottie
7-1/2) Hey we should find a brother sister combo then we'll b related!
8) Y do we text? Wouldn't it b easier 2 just call each other
9) Ok car wash guy totally making googlie eyes at me! Gross!
10) What do gay goats eat?
11) I cup
12) Have any toilets exploded on you today?
13) Would u rather sing everything u say or always speak n rhyme
13-1/2) Would u rather sleep n a tree n a human sized nest or n a burrow underground
14) Squeeze a hiney for me
15) Bubble baths are the COOLEST!
16) The police are looking for a suspect described as funny, sexy and great in bed. Your ugly ass is safe but where should I hide?
17) Were listening to Madonna. Thought you should know,:)
18) I'm driving with my parents listening to book of mormon on tape while my mom reads along. Help
19) MY engrish of the day: happy dragon just feel our children
20) Kyle's productive highlight of the day: I just emptied the paper shredder!
21) I want to change my name to Anastasia Beaverhausen.
22) Your job is to seriously talk me out of ever getting another tattoo on my chest!
23) Ur coming 2 c me in a month and some days! yeah!
24) I decided that i hate the air force. i need to go work for the travel channel so i can be a professional vacationer
25) Do you think my mom will approve of me hanging out with you?

The text card on my phone is now empty. When it fills up again, I'll deliver Volume II.